So I am sitting in the car and just feeling this void in me that makes me desperately want to physically touch God at that moment. I close my eyes and I say, "God I feel so far from you and I just need You, I need You". Then I start going through, "what if God is not hiding? What if He is just standing there looking at us?"
Ok, let me break it down:
Think of it this way,
An ant is very small. You can see it, study its body, figure out how many legs it has. You can put it under a microscope and study it and so forth, right? Right. Now, do you think an ant sees you? I mean, you are huge. Can it see your head and eyes and nose for what they are? Can it put all the pieces of you together and see you as you see yourself?
Think about it. When you are at the bottom of a mountain, you don't quite see the mountain for what it is. The bigger the mountain, the less you are able to perceive it as the whole that it is. You see one section of the mountain at a time. Even if you get to see all the sections, can you properly put them all together and have a clear picture of what the mountain looks like as a complete whole? No! Unless you take a plane and see it from the top, as a smaller figure can you then figure out how it looks like as a whole. Agree??
Ok, lets take it further and think about the planet on which we live. We see sections of it. We see where we live, walk, travel. We see parts. From space, the Pacific ocean is not so big but when I walk and look at it, my eyes cannot even see where it ends up - in fact, it looks endless and I cannot imagine (from that view) how the ocean is structured. I am exposed to the minute details of the closest thing I see.
Back to what was going through my meditation:
Imagine a big God. No, imagine a BIG God. No, imagine this BIG BIG BIG God. No...you cant!
So, lets work with what we have - our limited understanding, our limited view.
Imagine you have been invited by The Father to come to His chambers and meet with Him. You get there, a huge door opens for you - you cannot even see where the door begins. It seems to stretch up into eternity. You walk in and there are drapes and drapes of linen flowing in that room as if blown by gentle breeze. they look like they are hanging down to you from somewhere up theeeeeere. It all seem to stretch upward to eternity. There is this light, dancing with the flow of this linen (well, at least it looks like linen cloths). The light is goldish, but the kind of gold light that you have never seen on earth before - an unusual gold radiance. It feels sooo good yet so fear-strikingly awesome. [U with me so far??]. So you are kind of walking, assuming that you will get somewhere in the front where maybe there is a throne chair where God is sitting. Yet, it seems you are traveling endlessly between the lines flying around and the light dancing around and you cannot see 'the front' and the landscape is just not changing. Then you decide, "Let me call out to God". You do and He answers but You cant 'see' Him. He tells you He is here with you. You expected to meet Him, bow before Him and run to Him for a hug maybe. Now, where is He? Where is 'here'? Why cant you touch Him?
Now imagine this is all a movie and camera zooms out to show that like an ant you are traveling somewhere in between the feet of this great huge being. The linen are just His robes and you cannot even recognize any part of His feet because you are preoccupied with the fabrics flowing down on you. He sees you but you cannot see Him, not because He is not there but because He is that big. If He were to try pick you up with His hand, His finger would probably seem to you like a wall you suddenly ran into. Him picking you up could feel like an earthquake. He can hold you up to His face and you may mistake it for a landscape or the sky or something familiar like that. Am I making sense?
An ant does crawls on your pants and because it has a super close up of the pants, it is traveling on the stitches like they are hills or tracks or God knows what. The ant is too tiny to see the big picture. Even your voice may not even sound like anything but rather just feel like a ghastly wind. You see the ant but the ant cant see you. You are just part of its planet, a landscape. For you to see like the ant, you have to be like the ant. For you to communicate with the ant, that it hears and understand you, you have to shrink to its size or fit into the capacity of its perception. [Jesus had to come!!!! He could not come in His majestic self to come preach the gospel. It would have gone over our heads].
Okay, let me round this up.
If the ant can just believe that I exist. Yes, it cannot see me but I can see it. By faith, if it believes I exist...then believe that I see it... then believe that I understand it (lets say I have studied ants and understand behaviour and responses, blah, blah)...then believe that it can communicate to me... believe that not only can it speak to me but can also hear me...
It is easier for me to hear and understand it, since I can see it and have an understanding of the creature. All it has to do is to be itself and not act out of ant character and I can even predict its thoughts and actions in a given situation. But how does it hear me?
Interesting huh?? Think about it. Think about this God who has "torn the veil and made a way" for us to be able to have that relationship with Him. Maybe He is right here. Maybe we are crawling on His jeans...

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