Tsoness's blog

Training...

training

Oh my...it has been hard. I never thought that there is so much to Christianity. I mean, I used to think that going to church and trying to stay out of trouble was pretty much the basics. If I had to go a step further, I would also witness - but that would be for browny points. Man was I wrong!

Right now, I am aware that I have been called to a Prophetic office (been aware of it for a long while). I am being trained by a wonderful woman who is very gifted and is still growing in her gift. At one point I would be seeing visions and then...nothing for a long while. This puzzles me because I am not sure if it is because of something I am doing wrong. I know however that I need to grow in love (in the Fruit of The Spirit). I think I am improving in that area though, but only experiences will tell.

Anyway, we have started all-night prayers on Fridays. We have had 3 so far. I am hoping my body will get used to the idea of not sleeping every Friday night. Thinking about it, there was a time i did not sleep Friday nights because I would be out partying. Well, this aint no partying. Prayer is a fight. I guess one needs to want something from God enough to subject oneself to non-sleep every week.

The prayers are about revival, mostly, and also about personal breakthroughs. Wonderful things have happened since the prayers - wonderful testimonies. For instance, 3 weeks ago my boss issued us with retrenchment letters that announced that 4 people out of 7 have to leave the company in 8 days. It was hectic. I did not freak out because it is God, in the first place, who told me not to leave the company beginning of the year. Added to that, my job is not my source, God is. To cut the long story short, 3 (instead of 4) people were retrenched. The one other person put back on the list is a Christian colleague. I was retained and on top of that offered majority shareholding (after my boss of course). To be honest, I thought that my boss did not consider me to be a valuable asset to the company. I was shocked. God is great!!

I can say that I have been going through a period where God is not trying to entertain me but rather to spur me on towards the real hardcore stuff of the spirit. I have been reprimanded for attitude, words, conduct, thoughts, habits, etc.
I have to grow and empower the inner man. Christ has to manifest through me. Less of me and more of Him. I need to learn humility, because love is humble and kind but not foolish.

I also need to spend more time with The Holy Spirit and with The Word. These are ways to learn to sharpen my discernment gifts. I have to put in all I can to have an intimate relationship with God - not one of pretense or works  but one of love and obedience. I have to grow from one  level to the next in hearing God.

Though it feels like a tough journey, it is neither by might nor by power. The Spirit of Truth is right there to make sure that things happen the way they should. All it takes is yielding. Yes...the yielding is not easy because human nature is essentially against it. The more one yields, though, is the easier it becomes.

Lord, I am Yours
Teach me :

how to submit
How to be an instrument in Your hands
How to be a vessel of honour  - empty of self and ready me for your infilling
How to listen
How to love you so I can love others
How to walk with you, talk with you
How to see what you see
How to react like You would
How to manifets Christ in me the Hope of Glory

I love how You love me Lord!

As the work begun in me is being brought into completion by the Author and Finsher of my Faith!

Good tings r gwan!
   

How its goin lately

update

I had a session with my pastor, who of course is my mentor. She is particularly my mentor because she is called in a  Prophet office and so am I. She is very far ahead of me. I just kinda came back from backsliding. Anyway, the lesson was on Love. She was explaining to me how important love is in exercising any spiritual gift.  I like how God confirms things. I am in a middle of a 40-day period I was told to have. During this 40-day period, I am to meditate on the fruit of The Spirit which essentially is love summed-up (while eating just raw food).

Apparently there are 5 people in my life I have withheld 'love' from and need to start exercising it. My suspicion is as follows:

 - My brother and my dad
 - Chad
 - Nicole (my boss)
 - Tim
 - Nkuli
 - Loyiso (dont think so but maybe)
 - Motseki
 - Kefilwe
 - Tshireletso

I have to figure out which 5 of the above are the people that were specifically mentioned.

The preaching on Sunday also emphasised on 'Entering God's rest'
It made me realise how I have trying by y own strenghth to 'make spiritual things work'. It has been as if I am trying to twist The Holy Spirit's arm to do things through me, especially when 'things' have not been happening. That is dangerous because then I might end up creating scenarios that are not there and mistaken them as spiritual manifestations. You sort of become a miracle chaser instead of a God chaser. That is how some cults start.

I need more time with God. I need to spend time with Him and just fellowship with Him more. I need to know His voice even more. I need to know and experince His character so that I do not become tricked by a devil posing as an angel of light.

I need you more and more oh Lord
Make me over again please!

Sunday Service 01 Feb

growth@hand

I mark this day.

Today is the day that I begin my 40-day purification process. Based on arguments of what a fast is or is not, I will avoid calling it a fast. What I am doing though, could have been a fast f I was not working and  starting a variety of projects during this period.

I am to eat only raw food for 40-days (no salt, no sugar, no condiments). It is a time for prayer and separating myself for God. I am not separating myself from people or regular activities. I am to live my life as normal, just a change of diet, more prayer and meditation of the Fruit of The spirit. When I get out of line (walk out of love) I need to right my wrongs as quickly as possible. This is a period where I need to humble myself and let God teach me how to relate to other human beings. The fruit of The Spirit must manifest in me so that the gifts of The Spirit can flow from Him through me in the way the He wants. Love comes first before the gifts. Love is the fulfillment of the law. I want to be in right standing with God.

The service today was amazing. From the first 'praise' songs there was a magnificent presence of The Holy Spirit. It did not take long before people were praying in the spirit and prophecies proclaimed. Our pastor almost did not preach because we were lost in the spirit for so long. It was so awesome! I saw visions, I got a personal prophecy, I cant explain.

One of the most amazing things is that my 2yr9month son was there. He normally does not sit still in church, wants to cling to me, cries, etc. I have been leaving him at home on Sundays. This Sunday, I just felt urged to take him with. I then prayed to God to take control. He never cried or complained once in church. Half the time he had his hands raised, his eyes closed, occasionally clapping and mumbling something. It was amazing. We were in church for so long (probably 3.5hrs - 4.5hrs). After church, his normally anti-social self went around hugging everyone. My jaw dropped. God is amazing!

Anyway, I believe this is a beginning of something phenomenal in my life. I believe that by the end of the 40-days, I will be a transformed creature, ready to push back the darkness of our times.

During this time, I am meditating on Fruits of the spirit (http://www.spirithome.com/fruitssp.html) and my purpose for this period is being guided by the book of Haggai. It is time to rebuild the temple where the glory of God will dwell and manifest greater than it has before. I am that temple.

I can feel a  testimony coming.
God is also freeing up finances for me. I feel wealthy already. Thank you Lord God Almighty!!!!
 

Sunday service 25Jan'09

I am amazed at God's ability to just use people. It matters not what you can or cannot do, all I know is that when you avail yourself to God, He can do wonders through you. I read some old book once that said that, " God cannot do for man what He cannot do through man". I am not sure about the first 'cannot' part of it. Maybe it should change to 'prefers not to' instead.

I do realise that God wants us to be part of the process. In this way, we get to understand how The Kingdom works. I have always said that, "More real is the truth you find for yourself than the one you are told".

Sunday was awesome! Our pastors had to attend to an urgent matter and Lekunutu and I were informed on Sunday morning that we have to minister. I met him in the morning at his house and we started plotting on how we are going to handle this. It is amazing how God works. I shared my ideas and it was exactly what he had received while praying. So, we decided that it was going to be a tag team. We got our scripture and we went to church for intercession. We decided we were going to get people involved in the service and we were going to do things a little different. All went well, including the music. All we had, was our voices and the Djembe drum. You know how the Holy Spirit rolls...He made it all come together.

KunuTso

 This is big for us because it basically proved to us that God will do whatever He wants to do through whoever is willing. It taught us a great lesson. We had big shoes to fill. We did, however, remember that we are not our pastors and we should not try to imitate them. We were thrown in a deep end by The Holy Spirit is not limited.

The service was so awesome that we grew out of it. The preaching was on "Praise and Worship (especially in song)", using 2Chron20.

Thank you Father

I am humbled to be an instrument in your hand.

You are growing my faith....

This morning...

LikeAdove

This morning when I got to work, I was suddenly filled with an incredible sense of appreciation for The Holy Spirit in my life. He is ever so wonderful, so gentle with me. I am so stubborn sometimes, so cold and distant. I don't always do what I am supposed to do or act the way a child of God should. Yet, He still finds a way to reach out to me. He makes His way through the crowd, through the clutter in my mind, through the enclosed area of my heart. He loves me that much.

I was also overcome by...pain. I started hurting for the souls out there. I cried warm tears for the homeless, the bound, the trapped, the hurting, the unbelieving...the lost creatures of The Almighty God. I asked God to fill me with boldness and love so that I can preach the Gospel (in season and out of season, with words and acts). Sometimes we forget that the Gospel has power to change lives forever.

I am no longer the same. God is really working fast in these days. No longer do things take a while to manifest from spiritual realm to the natural realm. I say a prayer and in no more than a week it is answered. Of course not all prayers take less than a week but 90% of them do.

And He is so vocal as well. He speaks. Its amazing that not too long ago I used to wonder if I could ever hear God properly. Now, He says something and You know, without a shadow of doubt, that He just spoke to you. Its amazing. I think it has more  to do with...grace. He is faithful.

On Sunday, the pastor received in her spirit that she should lay hands on me for my prophetic gift to open up some more. Since then, I have been having dreams and words and information has kinda been dropping in my head (or spirit?). I don't know how to explain. All I know is that I am different.

I feel that now, more than ever before, I have to immerse myself in the Word. I have to know my Bible. This is to make sure that my visions pass through the word, are approved by the word and are not deception.

Also, I have to meditate on humility and meekness. The worst thing to happen is when we rely so much on our gifts to an extent that we think we can command our own power to execute our own will. We become too proud because we allow our identity to be defined by our gifts and we stop listening to God. We exalt the gift above The Giver.

God I pray for wisdom, for meekness, for love, for a hunger of You....

May I see the world (and life) through Your eyes
May I long for what You long for
May I be a channel, an instrument, a vessel in Your hands

(oh, I forgot: I was reading a book about how someone was sick and lying on their deathbed when they received Christ and got healed. While reading the story, these words came to me, ' Something terrible is going to happen to Nicole (my buddhist boss). She is going to be in a desperate situation and she is not going to know what to do, despite all her efforts. She will be in such a tight corner and no money, philosophy, religion or any of man's efforts is going to be able to help her. She will at that time have to forget about all that she has ever heard about Religion and God. She will have to, like an innocent child, cry out to an Unknown God, a God who is above all and controls everything. She will have to ask (beg) for a breakthrough, for Divine intervention. She will have to meet and accept Christ in order to live.' Now, to be honest, I dont know if that was just my thoughts or God is telling me this for a fact. It might have been influenced by what I was reading. I have been praying for her salvation. I am writting this down so that time may prove what this is - prophecy or mere human thoughts. It is going to teach me a lot about 'hearing from God'. I did, however, get intense feeling of sadness and fear for her life. I was in a taxi and my eyes welled up with tears. Lets see what happens.)

Sunday service

Church was beautiful. I really disappointed myself by showing up 15 min late. I really need to work on my time. I really am tired of the excuses I come up with. I think I should just wake up 5am on a Sunday, help with chores, have a bath, be with God then go to church. That should work.

Anyway, we had an anointing service. Our pastor anointed us with oil for the year. She pronounced beautiful blessings upon our lives and covered our everyday with the anointing. I feel so ready for the year.

We were being taught on the Gifts of the Spirit, concentrating on tongues and prophecy. Emphasis was put on Love. I enjoyed the teaching. 1Corinthians 14

On the subject of Love:

I wonder if we will ever understand His love. Will we ever fathom it? He taught me that love is a decision that one makes. It is not limited to a feeling. Most people know that by now. He loved me so much, He just had to create me.

Thank You Almighty!!!

Strategies for the Year (1)

This is what has been laid on my heart for the year (for now):

SpiritualWarfare

Lekunutu and I are supposed to put time aside every week to pray for our pastors (this is very important)

I have to start using these 3 methods: Confession, Visualisation and Meditation

Confession - saying what God says about me in His word. Most of the time we confess the blessings and rewards that the Bible mentions e.g. "I am above and not beneath. The Lord is my Shepard I shall not want. etc" I am going to have to do it a bit differently this year. My confession is going to focus more on the inner work than the outer benefits. For instance, stuff like, " I have been given the spirit of boldness, not fear. I am a channel of God's love. I am humble and meek, not proud. I separate myself from worldly sinful things/thoughts. etc". You get my drift, right!

Visualisation - This is where all things that I am believing God for and all promises through prophecy will be handled. Basically, I have to picture in my head the promises being fulfilled (more like day-dreaming). I have to see them in texture and colour, I have to feel them and experience them in my head as if they are a reality. Then I have to have a Scrapbook in which I shall dedicate pages for each 'dream'. I have to put pictures and phrases that symbolise the fulfillment of that dream. I have to look at those dreams and make brief prayers in tongues over those pages. (Also have to help Lekunutu to use this technique)

Meditation -  This is mostly over verses or concepts in the Bible. The meditation can be silent or vocal. For instance: Lets say I am meditating on Love. I can read verses on Love over and over and slowly break them down and think of over that verse silently in my head OR I can talk out loud to God asking questions and feeding back on what I get spiritually.

In all of this, especially the meditation part, I must implement that 'method of understanding' that I saw in the dream.

Yeah, so that is my next step :-)

 

His Love...

HisLove

Covenented

I caught my fingers
running down Your expression

It wonders me
that You are so close,
so touchable...
The Great and Awesome Being You Are
looking right into my eyes
catching breath
with a whisper of
" I love you, oh daughter of man!"

Planets Vision

Wow, how do I even begin to explain this vision? The pics above are just to give you an idea, they are not the exact images in my vision. I wish I could draw :-(

So I am just sitting at my desk at work, doing research on 'Cloud Computing' when this vision came to me. It was not an open vision (your eyes are wide open and you see images with your naked eye playing out right infront of you) infact, I had my eyes closed because I was listening to audio sound from a video about 'Cloud Computing'.

THE VISION:

The setting is my office. There was this man (at first he was on a bicycle, looking like he was waiting for a certain command to go rush somewhere,  and then he was not on a bicycle) standing infront of what first looked like balls but then looked like planets. The one closest to him was the biggest one and they became smaller in size until the last one that basically looked like a dot. They were all lined up on the floor from biggest to smallest in front of him. I got the ipression that he himself was inside a bigger planet, but am not too sure about this.

There would be voices, needs, prayers coming from each planet. I could not see the people and the voices were not loud, more like hush whispering. The man would put his ear close to the planet, then step into the planet, disappearing into it, becoming part of it (although I could still see him). It seemed like the whole point of getting into the planets was to solve the issues that affected the planet, to answer people's prayers. He went from the biggest to the smallest. Then as the planets became smaller, he could not fit into them. He would then pick them up into his hand to put his ear close to the planet, and then somehow answered prayers from where he was. The smallest ones he actually put them into his ear and put them back once done with them. It was as if it was his daily job/task.

Then, that first scene disappeared...

Second scene starts exactly the same as the first scene (same guy, same planets, etc). This guy, however, worked a bit different. He fitted into every planet because he shrank in size as the planets got smaller. He even became small enough to fit into the dot (like the genie in the bottle). He still possesed the same power no matter what size he was.

This message was impressed in my spirit: I prefer to work this way (referring to the 2nd scene). Then the vision was over. It took just seconds.

My interpretation of the vision: God is not a far away God. He prefers to get closer, to be personal and to deal with things on ground level. That would explain why Jesus had to come. He is mighty enough to come to your room when you call while spinning the universe in orbit and keeping up with the future. Our minds cannot fathom this, but it is truth. We serve such a mighty God! Such an awesome God! Omnipotent, Omniscient, Omnipresent!!!

Hello 2009!

2009

Lekunutu and I prayed our way to the year. It was beautiful. We partied to gospel music, prayed, read the Word, worshipped. It was so cool. I have never done it with someone else before. I usually do this alone in my room. It was beautiful.

So much expected for the year of NO COMPROMISE.

I have to get rid of some people in my life that are holding me back and wasting my time. I have also dedicated 6 months of my year to helping my brother to recreate his life (God please give me the wisdom). I need to grow my faith, especially in the areas of healing, spreading the gospel, casting out spirits, finances, giving and service to others.

I am starting 'Girl groups' (approx 3) where I will be mentoring young girls. I have already spoken to 2 groups and they are eager. I will mainly be using Art to engage with them. This is such a challenge because it means I will automatically become their 'role model'. I am going to have to model positivity and good morals. So, it means that all of this starts with me first. Scary!!

I also am thinking about my job a lot. I need to find out from God if I have overstayed my welcome here. It is a challenge working where I work. I remember complaining to God about work and I listened to a message after that which basically said that God would rather change us than change our circumstances. Also, while I am still working here, I have to be submissive and loyal to my boss and to my job because God requires me to respect authority. Phew! That was not the answer I was looking for but I have to obey. It is a Biblical requirement. Anyway, I think Submarine is a wonderful company filled with amazing people.

All I know though, is that there is so much more in me to give. I know I have the potential, passion, knowledge and skills to get involved in a greatly successful and meaningful path in my life. I feel it is time to seek for such. I do not want just money at the end of the month, I want growth, self-respect, confidence, giving of myself to something worth it, positively touching people's lives, giving back, laughter, something blowing my mind, achievement to call my own, unearthing of my potential, challenges that stretch me, MEANING and of course more money. I want to be able to point at something and say, THIS IS WORTH THE SACRIFICE!

Anyway, I am going to throw myself at a couple of things this year. My main priority is to KNOW HOW THE KINGDOM WORKS and to pass on that knowledge as it unfolds. I will also be doing a whole lot of things differently and also expecting more from God.

I am hanging on to Isaiah 54 and on the Jabez prayer.

This is it! We work this year. We work harder and smarter than we ever have. The Sabbath year is coming and in it we shall rest and eat off the fruits of our obedience.

May God be my focus, my love, my passion
May His creatures be my priority

After all, this is all about people!